im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And then he peed in my hair
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
