I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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