I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
