My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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