dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
