you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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