so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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