you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
where are you?
Hypothermia
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
