So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
