She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
