ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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