Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How does one acquire holy water?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
