dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
