Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
