I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
