Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
