Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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