Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
