She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
