Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
