what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
