Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
