Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
