You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
