Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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