I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
