My first STD was from a foam party
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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