How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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