I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
only you would photoshop your dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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