So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
