Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Pooping to opera.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
