at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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