if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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