Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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