I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
