2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
