If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Everclear isn't food dammit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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