Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
