It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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