I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
