Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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