You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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