you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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