things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
