he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
