my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
