so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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