My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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