Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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