i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
