two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
