I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
